It’s the kind of afternoon that calls for music and lemonade. I don’t have lemonade, unfortunately (though I do have two quarts of local strawberries from the farmers’ market this morning), but I have music in abundance, and putting music on reminded me that I’ve been promising Kara that I would do a music post for a while now (she did one a while ago, and I discovered we have overlapping taste!). “Music post” being a post in which I share the music I like. I’ll probably do these sporadically, since there’s absolutely no way I can put everything I like in one post.

First of all, I will warn you that this is going to be a pretty chaotic post, just because my music taste varies so widely and I want to share a little bit of everything so that you get the “big picture” of what I like to listen to. So I’ll give a little sample of my favorites of the genres I listen to.

1) Classical (I started playing classical piano when I was 5, and have always been an avid classical music listener). My favorite composers are Schubert, Brahms, and Shostakovich. One of my favorite pieces is Brahms’ Piano Trio in Bb Major (which I’ve played with my brother and sister!).

2) Popular music. I’ve gone through quite a few phases of what I like, but I’ll just share some of my more recent favorites. I tend to like electro-pop and indie pop.

And I really really really love this Lady Gaga song… sorry…

3) And now a few random things! I adore Jimmy Cliff.

And last but not least…

That’s my favorite from their new album, Sainthood. You didn’t think I was going to do a music post without something gay in it, did you?

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This post, music in the afternoon, originally appeared on alphafemme on June 30, 2010.

Can you tell me more about being a femme sans butch? How does the lady feel about your femme identity? And how do you feel about her gender identity?

Gender identity stuff, I love it!

So, really, this is three separate questions. So I’ll start with the first one:

Can I say more about being a femme sans butch?

I guess the first thing I’ll say about it is that for the longest time, I hesitated to identify as femme because I’ve never had a relationship with a woman who identifies as butch (crushes, on the other hand? definitely). Intellectually, I know that to say that a femme can only be with a butch is like saying a woman can only be with a man. But it was sort of like trying to come out to myself all over again. When I started coming out to myself, I was just like “no way, this can’t be possible! I’m a girl! I’m s’posed to like boys! what is this craziness? I must be delusional!” It just didn’t seem possible to me that I was gay, and that gay was real. Coming out as femme was sort of similar, like “no way, I can’t be femme, femmes are supposed to be with butches! I can’t *really* be a femme!” But, for whatever reason, femme is just *right* for me, in the way that coming out as gay/queer in the first place just felt right. So, for whatever reason (biological? theological? coincidental?), I’m a femme and I don’t have a butch, and I don’t feel lacking in any regard. The identity itself is complete. I do think that femme and butch have a lot of traits that are very compatible with each other, and mi’lady has a lot of those traits anyway, plus a lot of other traits that I’m very much in love with ;)

How does she feel about my gender identity?

She’s totally supportive, and she tends to be attracted to femininity/femme-ininity herself anyway. I would even hazard a guess** and say that she’s found my blossoming into femme almost as exciting as I have — she certainly reaps many of the benefits (I’m stabler, more confident, sexier I think). She loves it when I wear heels, she has a deep appreciation for my domesticity (while making it always, always clear that she doesn’t expect anything of me in the way of cooking/cleaning/that sort of thing), she finds the girliness a turn-on. So she’s totally gung-ho about it.

And lastly, how do I feel about her gender identity?

I am totally and completely in love with it. We have talked a bit about what gender identity label she feels most comfortable with, and she keeps coming back to “dyke” as what works for her. And really, I can’t think of any better way to describe her. She’s kind of a rocker chick, with a definite masculine edge (so. hot. – the way she leans back in a chair, for example, legs apart, chest open and relaxed, shoulders back… swoon) but also with a feminine underside, if you will. She’s got shoulder-length angled side-parted dark hair (longer than mine) which frames her face so perfectly, and she has gorgeous eyes with long lashes. And, erm, she’s got a great rack, which she’s rightfully proud of as one of her great assets. She loves to be fucked. But she also loves to have the cock herself. So, she’s definitely queer, definitely a dyke, definitely NOT femme, I wouldn’t even really use the word feminine to describe her if pressed. Just, dyke. Think, I dunno, Tegan & Sara?

And she’s funny and boyish and she calls me “baby” and “sweetie” which makes me melt, she’s protective and gracious. She lets me do my puttering and my little grooming and she’s mystified by a lot of my feminine ways but she loves them, too. So, really, we’re perfectly matched :)

**After reading my answer, mi’lady said (in her own words) “your hazardous guess is correct!” :) :)

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This post, a bit more on being a femme sans butch, originally appeared on alphafemme on February 22, 2010.