Comments for alphafemme

Comment on walls and corners by tricksnbits

tricksnbits — Tue, 15 May 2012 15:57:33 +0000

Hi,

Just wanted to say you are not alone. I don’t have anything wise or comforting to say but I do get much of what you described; your anxieties, worries, concerns and questions. I’m older than you, just coming out as a bisexual femme and although my circumstances are somewhat different much of what you wrote rang true.

For what it’s worth I believe that telling my story is an important healing tool in whatever medium whether for public or private consumption; blog, visually, sharing with like-minded and/or understanding people. Having safe witnesses who support me. You expressed yourself eloquently and openly and that’s half the battle I think.

I find it so falsely comforting to curl up and hide – it’s my familiar safety zone to be invisible – and it sends me into despair. I say to myself as much as to you, keep sharing and being visible. Your past and your experiences are yours and are to be honoured. And they don’t ever need to be explained to anyone. Minute by minute, move through your present, your feelings, your fears and doubts. And trust.

Comment on marking a month by greg

greg — Fri, 06 Apr 2012 14:16:29 +0000

For whatever reason my original comment did not appear. I just wanted to say that I’ve been hoping you’d pop in ever since I saw your comment over at Sin’s. I’ve missed your beautiful way of writing, even when it’s posts as difficult as this. Thank you for being here and thank you for sharing your story. I am convinced that the you who you are now is helping so many people.

Comment on marking a month by 8thday

8thday — Fri, 06 Apr 2012 12:30:02 +0000

Twenty five years later and I’m reading your post, nodding along in agreement. After two very intense years of therapy, working on trust and safety issues, I thought I had finally conquered the mountain. But then a person I thought was a trusted friend broke that trust. And I slid right back down again. Trust and safety are very fragile things.

I don’t think we ever get to totally have the her-then person back. But we do get to create the person we want to be now. And the you-now can be amazing because you know how strong you can be and because you don’t forget.

Anniversaries are always tough. I think they always will be, no matter how much time passes. But they also give us a chance to remember the her-then, grieve a little, hold her in our hearts, and gain some strength from her.

Holding you in my heart . . .

Comment on allyship: that post I've been sitting on all week by Bearing Witness: Ethical alternatives to ‘being’ an ally | ephemeradical

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 17:13:41 +0000

[...] critiques have been made of the behaviour of such allies and of the concept in itself (e.g. serious critiques and fun ones). The failure of the concept of ally is best seen, I think, in the number [...]

Comment on walls and corners by mackenzie

mackenzie — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 23:27:10 +0000

may this be the year that you unravel more about who you are, what you want, & what makes you happy in the world. glad to read your writing again.

Comment on walls and corners by Ashley

Ashley — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 13:52:51 +0000

The hard answer is you sit with it. You don’t run or hide from it, you merely sit. It’s not easy, in fact, it’s near impossible and such a process in itself. This though, writing, sharing, putting it out there, away from “in there,” whether that’s your head or your heart or both, it’s one of the first and best steps. Let the love and support wash over you for you are indeed greatly loved and cared for.

Comment on walls and corners by CAB

CAB — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 08:39:01 +0000

I really wish I had something wise and insightful to say that would miraculously make things easier or better but then I would just be lying. I can say that looking at who we are and who we want to be *is” painful. I think that is why so many people wander through life without ever taking a look close look. I can pinpoint specific ages where I made decisions about who I was and who I wanted to be. At 25 I decided I deserved better friends, at 39 I decided that I was tired of hating who I had become and that maybe I deserved a better version of me and the chance to actually be “me” without the expectations of others. That’s the short version anyway.

When I read your post the 1st thing that came to mind was the Toby Lightman song Everyday. It’s one of my favorites.

I don’t know if I can embed it here. This is the link:
http://youtu.be/P0CkCW5G2Zo

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0CkCW5G2Zo&w=560&h=315

Lyrics:
"Everyday"

Everyday is a struggle between what I wanna say
And what I should keep to myself
And the words that manage to leave my lips
Don't hurt me, but they hurt everyone else

And I find myself in need of a pause
I'm not sure why, but I think that it's because
Of this desire to be what others want me to be
Which is nothing close to me

[Chorus:]
But I’ll see better when the smoke clears
When the smoke clears inside my head
And I can listen when the screaming doesn’t repeat everything I’ve said
And all that remains me and who I am at the end of the day
And this happens everyday

Everyday is a battle between what I wanna know
And what I don’t wanna figure out
And everything in between in these thoughts of mine
That you know I can’t live with out

And I find myself in need of a pause
I’m not sure why, but I think that it’s because
Of this desire to be what others want me to be
Which is nothing close to me

[Chorus]

Comment on 2011 by G

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 04:26:02 +0000

It sounds like 2011 was full of … well, just FULL. I’m sorry to hear about your grad program. I wondered how that was going for you. I hope that 2012 will be full of more amazing and less stressful things for you and ML. Keep us posted!

Comment on responding to sexual violence by Rachel

Rachel — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 16:39:37 +0000

I’m really glad you wrote about this. You articulated some of the conflicting feelings I had around this information and the way it was disseminated. I’ve also got no idea what a better response from the community would look like. But perhaps its time we started figuring that out as a community. Thank you for speaking on this.

Comment on 2011 by John

John — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 04:21:20 +0000

One day at a time.
I know that sounds trite but that’s the only way to live
I am so sorry about the end of your program.
What’s going to happen to the loans you took out for the program?
HUG
Will you be posting more?