So, guess what? Two years ago today, I published my first blog post.
I just went back and read it, and got carried away by how different things are right now. Two years, apparently, makes a big difference. Two years ago, I was working as a paralegal, about five months out of a major relationship, and was a big slut. (In a good way.) I was realizing that I could hook up with people I liked and/or was attracted to, have fun, learn something p’raps, and be none the worse off for it. Annika was one such of these affairs; there were others in the span of seven months between the end of my previous relationship and the beginning of this one.
This blog was born because, after emerging from the comfort and stability (and also heartbreak) of a long relationship, I was putting my feelers into the world “out there,” realizing that if I was going to get through the finality of that break-up, I would need to re-gain my footing in something outside of myself in the context of that relationship, outside of the context of her. So, well, I put my feet in other women. Well, my hands, and tongue and things, actually, not so much my feet, but that’s the general idea ;) And I figured I’d write about it, the sex diaries of a single queer San Francisco femme.
But, well, that seemed tired. I’m not sure why; maybe that I’m a product of a culture saturated with Sex and the City? I don’t know. But after Annika, I didn’t write about any more of them. It didn’t feel quite like the full picture of me, writing about my one-night stands. So, for most of its infancy, my blog stopped and started, not quite sure what it was doing. Somewhere in there, I met ML, and I think the first time I mention her is in this post, when we’d already been dating for over three months. And then I just stopped writing completely until July of 2009. Or, actually, this isn’t entirely true. I kept writing. But then in July, in a particularly low bout of depression, I went back through my archives until that point and deleted almost everything I’d posted, for no other reason than that the posts didn’t resonate with me anymore.
That was a silly thing to do, because of course when one is in a low depressive place, things from non-depressive times don’t resonate anymore. And now that I’m NOT in a low depressive place these days, those posts from the summer of 2009 no longer resonate with me. They’re so raw, so vulnerable, so needy. I was floundering. But then I got through it, with the help of medication and a move across the city to new digs, and things started falling into place.
And, here I am. Living with ML, in the first semester of a graduate program in anthropology, working part-time still, at that same law firm. This blog has carried me through so much, through growing into my femme identity, through beginning to explore my sexual desires and landscapes, through navigating a healthy and committed relationship. And this blog is one of my favorite things now, and although I have so little time these days with school and work and relationship all piling on thick, I always have posts sitting half-written in drafts, or partially composed in my head, and I count myself very, very lucky to be here and to have you all, my readers, who somehow, inexplicably, care.
Here’s to two more years… And hopefully more!
PS: I finally created a Facebook page, since several of you have kept inviting me … see over on the right sidebar, down below my tweets? There! Click there to facebook-like me! :)
YAY!!! HAPPY TWO YEARS. I just LOVE your blog Alpha and as long as you continue to write it I will be here reading it. You always have such amazing post.
Here’s to another two years + many more of your amazing writing :) Kara XOXOXO
PS Jess said there’s nothing wrong with “big slut. (In a good way.)” Apparently she was the same with way the hook ups before meeting me. Though here’s involved people in the BDSM lifestyle.
Thank you so much Kara. And Jess :) I feel so grateful to have both of your support!
aaaww thank you Alpha…that’s so sweet of you to say:)
Have a fun night!!! Kara XOXO
PS I just saw how many typos I made in the above comment. I guess I really need to drink a coffee in the morning before I leave comments LOL! That just looks so horrible :S
Happy Anniversary! You know I like you, and would like you on facebook, but I’m guessing that me liking you on facebook might lead people you might not want to know about this blog to it (terrible sentence, sorry). Let me know if you don’t care, and I will, but for the moment I will remain aloof. =D
I think that’s wise ;)
That’s cause I’m a smart lady =D
Happy Blogiversary to you!! I’ve so enjoyed “watching” you evolve and find love. It’s such a treat to come here and be a small part of your world. Thank you for sharing so much with us.
I would totally “like” you but I don’t have a facebook account.
Thank you dear greg!!! You are one of my first “regulars” around here, and for that, you will always have a special place in my heart :)
And also, no worries about the facebook! I don’t even “like” myself on FB because of anonymity reasons, not to mention I’m not much of a FB user myself so I wouldn’t even “like” other blogs on FB either. It’s mostly just for the people who use facebook as their primary internet tool… mainly the young’ins ;) I can’t keep up with how they use social networking tools…
You know, I’m so glad you got back to and are going to continue writing when you can. Your blog is one of my favorites. I like the way you think and the way you make me think. We all go through evolutions, and it’s been great to be part of yours.
happy blogiversary! I’ve only been reading for about a year, but I enjoy what you write immensely.
I also love your genius blog and was instantly engaged with reading it after coming across it earlier in the year. The first entry I read was the one with Annicka, and I thought, this is SO HOT.
Happy Blogiversary!
p.s. I would “like” you too on Facebook, however, doing so might lead some people to finding my blog.
Happy two years to you! I’m so happy to be a part of your little community. Cheers to many more years to come!
So…does one bring presents or cake to said amazing 2 year awesomeness or can I just send you a virtual/mental hug? I an not aware of the protocal here… I will say that your blog has made a HUGE impact in my day to day craziness and I have learned an insane amount of things about myself through your blog. I think if I had to name the most important thing I have learned from you it would be self-awareness…you have taught me to be aware of who I am and what I need to feel like a person. It seems silly to think that a blog can do that, but your blog lets me know that I am not the only one, the only femme that goes through the craziness of trying to just fit in my own skin (sexually, mentally, emotionally, intellectually, expectation wise…etc.) and feel like a normal girl. You make me feel like it is okay to be myself and I am a better and happier person for it. Thank you for that…I am sure my gf thanks you too! LOL