To the blond guy at 5th & Harrison, 8:40pm, today
Thank you. Thank you for having my back, even though you probably felt a bit awkward about it. Maybe you felt like you should’ve said something, come to my defense, but honestly? Just the fact that you were there, watching, alert, making yourself visible to the douchebag who was all “what, can’t I look at your legs?” and when I said “uh, no” was all “oh I see how it is, you’d rather have a LADY look at your legs, right? Amiright? fucking San Francisco” and kept harassing me, so that he’d know that if he tried anything with me, you would do something about it. I don’t know, I think you did exactly the right thing. If you’d said anything, if you’d stepped in to defend me verbally, I mean that would’ve been fine but honestly I was glad to use my own voice to defend myself, to tell the guy to fuck off. You let me stick up for myself, but also subtly let me know that I wasn’t alone. And then you got on the 47, and a few minutes later I got on the 12, and that was that.
So, thank you. In this city, you’d be surprised how often people just look the other way when that shit happens, and you’d probably be even more surprised to know that even a small gesture from a stranger makes a world of difference.
Glad you had that company in that moment. I played the blond guy’s part for a queer and ambiguously gendered person going through airport security recently. He was getting some trouble and got searched; I hovered as best you can with TSA around, but I always wonder whether I did enough. I hope you actually posted this on craigslist for him to maybe find. Glad you are safe!
I did actually post it on missed connections… I hope he sees it, or at least that those people who DO see it will be inspired to be present like that in the future for others.
“Wow”– This post is so touching… Thank you, blond guy. And thank you, Alphafemme, for sharing this anecdote. I can’t figure out exactly why, but it really warms my heart, and somehow, makes me feel safe… and less lonely?
Angels,angels everywhere
I never had a blond guy do that for me. In the numerous times they have witnessed the abuse, they only ever looked away. It’s good to know the blond guys are out there and it makes me so happy to know you felt safe. Thanks for writing this.
Oh, good on him. And good on you. Warms my heart that he became a support to you in a crappy situation.
Some guy once harassed my very butch wife in a theater line and NO ONE did zip. He was crazy mad, you could see it, which is why people didn’t want to get involved. But it felt so unsafe and scary…luckily he got bored with himself.
When visiting SF once, I stood near a woman that a crazy street person was harassing. Just went up to her and asked if she needed any help. That was enough to make the asshole walk away. Viola!
greg and Tara -
Isn’t it weird how it feels more alienating and hopeless when abuse happens in front of other people who are looking away than when it happens in isolation?
Amak -
It does, doesn’t it? Even though he didn’t do anything really besides make his presence known. It gives me a bit of faith in human decency. Especially because he was so genuine about it, clearly a bit awkward, and not just trying to be a hero. It made what would’ve otherwise been a really scary and potentially dangerous situation feel manageable.
8thdayplanner –
It’s so easy to forget the angels are there because they sadly aren’t always there when they’re perhaps most needed. But it’s good to have the little reminders that they are, in fact, there. And that I could be one, too.