Well, that post on sexual violence was supposed to be Part I of IV, and I was going to do all four this month, in April, partly because it’s Sexual Assault Awareness Month but mostly because I thought it would be easier for me to write it all at once and altogether and then get right back to my regularly scheduled ruminations about my life and my relationship. I also sort of felt insecure about it, like maybe people wouldn’t want to read something so serious and harsh on my blog, so it’d be better for everyone if I just hurried up and got it all out of the way. Except that something happened that I wasn’t planning on, and what happened was I sort of ran away. I hit publish, and then turned off the internet for a week and a half. I mean, I was reading other people’s blogs and doing other stuff on the internet. But I didn’t look at any comments and didn’t check my email or post on twitter or poke my head above ground at all. But the weirdest part is I didn’t even realize I was doing that until a week later.
I guess it just needed time to sit there and have its own life for a minute before I came back to it. And it’s fine, I’m totally fine, I’m glad I wrote it and glad I shared it, and thank you all so so so much for your comments. You can’t possibly know how much they mean to me. In a funny sort of way, my healing in the past few years has been much aided by all the love and support I get now from people in my life; it’s like I can remember that time of my life but also picture the warm and loving spirits of people now saturating the air around the 15-year-old me who had no idea they were there at the time because she was hurting too much to see them, but knowing they were there all along somehow helps me now in a way that doesn’t feel entirely retroactive. It actually is almost as if I’m beginning to learn how to re-remember, re-live that time a little less lost. Memory is a funny thing.
Anyway, to get back to the original point of this post, I don’t think I’m going to be writing parts II, III, and IV quite yet. It will happen, but not this month, and for the time being I’ve got plenty of other things to write about.
Beginning with:
We have a new home! I tweeted a few weeks ago about how disappointed I was that the perfect little garden home we wanted went to another applicant — and Jen told me that it must’ve happened for a reason — and was she ever right! Back story: I currently live in a sexplex (you know, a house divided into six units, duh, minds out of the gutter people!), two flats per floor, and the flats on each floor are flip-flops of each other. The landlord’s son and daughter-in-law have lived in the flip-flop flat to mine for the past few years, and they mentioned at the beginning of April that they might be moving somewhere bigger soon. My roommate and I got excited for a hot minute about the possibility of me and the lady love taking over their flat, but then we never heard another whisper of them moving and figured it wouldn’t be happening for a while, and promptly forgot about it.
Until last week, when suddenly, one day, they were gone. The very next morning I called our landlord, and said (more or less), “hey, you know, my girlfriend and I would be totally happy to move into that flat for you, if you could keep the rent where it’s currently at. It would be so easy for you, you wouldn’t have to renovate it or show it or anything, and you know me already, and I’m already a part of the building family, and, you know, we’re awesome tenants, so how’s about it?” And WHADDOYAKNOW? He fell for it! Well, almost: he did bump the rent up a bit, but it’s still well below market rate for our neighborhood, and it’s got TWO BEDROOMS. So much space! A guest room! A music room! A library! An office! A ballroom! So many possibilities! It’s a mansion you guys, and for so cheap. No, it doesn’t have a garden, but it has a sunny little back deck of sorts, and I’m going to see about having a little herb garden back there. And moving is going to be CAKE. I just have to drag everything next door. Like, three feet.
We’re so excited. May 15th will be the first day of our lease, so that I can move everything before I travel for two weeks starting May 18th. I think I’m going to die of asphyxiation from holding my breath until then, I’m so excited. Our OWN PLACE! :)
I’ve written about enough for now, so I’ll just leave you with a little souvenir of a fun photo shoot I did yesterday. The lady love, who isn’t even a photographer, snapped about 100 shots of me in my bedroom, and they came out so lovely! The lighting is just the gorgeous sunlight filtered through my translucent insulating blinds.
Congrats — that’s wonderful :) I’m so happy for you.
Hot pictures by the way!
And PS – I want to ask you if I can rent some of your space/couch for a few days in Sept when I’m there for Folsom/workshops at GoodVibes.
Of COURSE you can! And I don’t know what you mean by “rent,” but obvs you’ll be staying there for free.
Three cheers for Alphafemme (why not)! I vote for more pics… to complement the white website design? Plus I’ve recently discovered lady tumblrs from Autostraddle. Fun stuff :9
I think it’s safe to say I will post some more pictures :)
yay! congratulations to you girls on your new flat! that’s super exciting. plus, moving across the hall sounds pretty dreamy. easy, breezy.
smokin’ picture! what was the occasion? a surprise for your lady, perhaps?
she actually TOOK the pictures. no particular occasion, just having fun :)
I apparently cannot read, as you SAID she took them. oops.
but still fabulous! ;)
So I had something to write here about what you wrote but then I saw the picture of you and the something is now gone forever. Total hotness took it’s place. Whoa….love those (sigh) heels!
HA! Thanks Jude — more than anybody else you always manage to make me burst out laughing!
All in your own time, darling. You should be proud of yourself for even writing what you did. And hot shoes!
I’m with Jude…um, what was I going to say besides, DAMN FINE LEGS? whew.
Congratulations, sweetheart!!
CONGRATS ON THE PLACE!!!!! and OHHHH EMMM GEEE your legs=TO DIE FOR!!! **femme swoon**
First I’ll start of with…those heels are sooooo HOT!! Of course what I can see of the girl wearing them is very sexy to ;)
I hope you have fun moving to the new apartment. As you know I just recently moved and it’s always nicer to be in a bigger place. Luckily for me the rent stayed the same because the landlord really wanted us to move in. We actually have three bedrooms in ours..we’re thinking playroom in the 3rd room since it’s small :) You should keep that naughty idea in mind ;)
Anyway I hope you have a lot of fun with the move and that it all works out for you and your lady love!!!
Kara XOXOXO
Ooooo a play room!! That would be AWESOME.
Ohhh now its my turn: LOVE those shoes!
P.S. Also, that photo? Hotness
*fans self* Wow. Hawtness.
Also how awesome is that about your new place?
But there is also this:
You were brave to post that entry about your rape, and wise, I think, to take some time away from the internet and let it sit after you wrote it. It’s terrifying to bare such a vulnerable part of yourself, to tell a story that you aren’t sure anyone wants to hear, that you aren’t sure you want to embrace as your own. The warrior in me wants to travel back in time and protect you. I’m appalled that such a dreadful thing happened to you.
Some day, maybe over tea with you in some San Francisco cafe, perhaps your courage in telling that story will give me the courage to tell my own.
The thing I think is most heart-lifting is seeing you survive and surpass that experience, and become the awesome, fierce, femme woman wearing those fantastic shoes.
A ballroom?
I mean, why not? There are endless possibilities!
Ohhh… wasn’t reading carefully. Thought you were listing things it already had, not just possibilities. =D
Whee, I’ve met your legs! When do I get to meet the rest of you? We live in a sexplex, too, and I’m so JAY of your move. I fucking loathe and despise my neighbors like WHOA.
Mostly I came here to say that I support you in taking all the damn time you want / need to post on sexual violence, if / when you feel like it. XO.
Damn it, this is one of those posts where I really had the intentions to respond as I was reading, but then the heels, the legs, and whew!
I’m so happy to hear the good news about moving. What a relief! And I’d echo FFAF’s sentiment … write about your life when you’re ready. It will probably feel better that way anyway, as opposed to feeling pressed to do it.
ummm. i think there needs to be a “love it” button on your website for this photo!
the new place sounds wonderful and totally meant to be.
and oh, i was in s.f. yesterday and this morning. i spent the night at a friend’s place in the mission. i’d better get this job so i can move there a.s.a.p.
Wow! You look gorgeous! Are you sure you aren’t a professional model and Yourlady a professional photographer?!?!