Comments on: the threads that make my tapestry

By: freeinsilence

freeinsilence — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 06:19:19 +0000

I still love reading what you write. Sometimes, it’s like looking in a mirror. This post is a classic example – you use all of the same coping strategies I do plus one – the alternate plan is a good idea, one I haven’t really practiced much. But when I know I’m going to be in a potentially anxiety/panic-inducing situation, I have been known to have some affirmations prepared and written down. If I feel panic start to set in, I pull them out of my pocket or flip my hand over (I write on my hands a lot) and read the words and repeat them to myself. When I’m unprepared and find myself panicking, the stock phrase, “This too will pass, I will be ok,” repeated over and over again has been useful.

Thanks for putting yourself out there, and letting us be privvy to your inner workings. I like reading your blog because it’s somehow clean and gritty at the same time, it’s real life, and, like I said, it’s like looking in a mirror sometimes. And I swear, even if you put out a shite entry once in awhile, I’ll keep coming back! :)

By: Jen

Jen — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 20:10:58 +0000

Thank you for sharing this. It’s always so wonderful to have a chance to see into someone’s head – what helps them, what works, what doesn’t.

I am a total list person. It makes me feel accomplished which helps combat the guilt I give myself for not doing enough in a day. If I do something not on my list, I’ll write it on my list and then cross it off lol.

And I understand what you mean about the reader stats thing – I really try to ignore mine. If I don’t, I won’t be as honest as I am lol.

By: alphafemme

alphafemme — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 01:41:36 +0000

Thank you so, so much for these kind (and helpful, and genuine) responses. I can’t tell you how much it means to me that others share these same things! And cope their own ways. I love you all so much for being here with me :)

And greg and aneke, maybe I should stop looking at my stats! Not a bad idea. WordPress kinda flings them in my face every time I log on… But I could certainly stop staring at them!

By: G

Fri, 19 Feb 2010 05:30:16 +0000

I know I told you earlier, but I really appreciated this post. It’s scary as hell to be vulnerable and put yourself out there (I might be projecting JUST A LITTLE here), but you’re definitely not alone. I could relate to so many things you said, and I’m sure I’m not the only one – as evidenced by the other commenters here.

I do a lot of breathing exercises, my favorite being inhaling through my nose to the count of three, holding it to the count of three, then exhaling through my mouth until all the air is gone. It sounds so simple, but that is one thing that helps me so much in the moment.

For long-term help, I really have to move my body. For me personally, that means working out. I have a strong connection to my body that comes from years of playing sports, so that’s also where a strong portion of my confidence comes from. I tap into that to feel centered. The endorphins don’t hurt one bit, either.

Thank you for sharing this piece of you.

By: Undercover Punk

Undercover Punk — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 21:22:47 +0000

I love that you talk about this. A LOT of women, lesbians in particular, struggle with depression and anxiety. It’s really important that we be open about it. Though I totally understand your concerns about publicity! ;) It’s a very sensitive and emotional thing to talk about. The symptoms, coping techniques, and treatments are also something we’re made to feel we should hide or be ashamed of.

So. I’ve been on & off my medication about a million times. It’s a roller coaster! But not a fun one! My depression is more symptomatic than my anxiety, so I consider meds a matter of life and death. Otherwise, I wouldn’t take them. It sucks to be dependent on a stupid little pill. I still have a REALLY hard time remembering to refill it, then to pick it up. Definitely some subconscious resistance there. Every month.

About the sexual side effects, my experience with psych meds is that they affect you differently at different times of your life. Also, I recommend Celexa in general.

Thanks again for this great post, alphafemme. And btw, Love your new gravatar!!!

By: greg

greg — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 14:12:40 +0000

I nodded A LOT while reading this post. All of a sudden, you’re not alone here and that is both good and bad. Personally, I think the good far outweighs the bad because well, my focus is always on the good. Like aneke, I’m not a fan of sitemeter. I didn’t go on sitemeter until a year and half into my blogging and when I did, it blew my mind. I freaked out because suddenly it became very real to me. I almost stopped blogging completely because I realized that I’m actually public and not sitting around a dinner table, talking to friends. Whew, that was rough. I don’t look at it anymore and that really helps. I love the people I’ve gotten to know and I value all the wonderful advice and support I’ve rcvd. That’s priceless to me and I’m not ready to give that up just yet.

Speak your mind and never stop fighting the demons. We’ll be here to cheer you on, all the beautiful parts of you.

By: aneke

aneke — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 08:40:09 +0000

I think I’m slightly different than the average blogger because I haven’t checked that sitemeter thingy even once.. for me I think I’m so desperate for an outlet than I often don’t even think about who’s reading.

You’ve made yourself vunerable and that takes guts. Thank you. It helps me to read this kind of stuff.

I was one of those that thought medication was for weak people, I wasn’t convinced it wasn’t a load of rubbish. Then I folded and finally started taking prozac and by the SECOND DAY I could feel the difference. Which convinced me it was a physical thing, not just weakness. I’m off it now, but it helped me.

Coping strategies? If I’m anxious or feel like I’m spinning out of control it helps to just stop and breathe. Then I use my yardstick: is it going to matter a year from now? If not, don’t worry. If it will I distract myself until I’m feeling more able to cope. If I hit serious depression it helps to remind myself that it’ll pass. Plus I have a best friend that is my life line to sanity at times – I’m lucky.

By: Ashley

Ashley — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 01:00:43 +0000

wow…I think I’ve said this before on this blog and I know I’m not a frequent commenter, but I think I could have written this post (although probably not as eloquently…:)) It’s true, I only started writing a blog as an outlet for the endless circles of thoughts/worries/upsets in my head. And then people started reading…and commenting. And then I felt obligated or indebted or whatever and I felt worried for awhile. That this blog endeavor was one more thing I could screw up in my life. But somehow, I gave that up and found peace with it. These people who left positive, supportive comments and just closed the tab on things they didn’t like or understand.

I LOVE reading your blog. Thank you for putting it out here and sharing. It has helped me with my own anxiety (I was diagnosed with post-partum depression officially, but I truly think it’s more anxiety related) and being able to cope with knowing there are people out there living and thriving dealing with the same issues I face each and every day.

You are very brave indeed. You touch more people and more lives than you know.

As for your questions, I do a similar thing with my body…when I’m totally flipping out and I can’t think AT ALL and I really wanna bash my head against the wall, I stop and tell each of my body parts to relax. Start at the toes, toes relax, ankles, relax ankles, calves, calves, relax. So on and so forth. It calms my mind, gives me something to focus on (obsess over…) and by the time I get to my head, well, I’m usually calmed down enough. There are days it takes two or three times running through this exercise before I can breathe again and CONTAIN myself enough to move on with my life, but it’s a place for me to go when I can’t see any other options. I’ve done this since I was a kid, my mom taught it to me. Which tells me I’ve dealt with anxiety for most of my life…when I first went on meds (I’m off now), I was shocked to realize that not everyone had all those voices in their heads. All that pent up worry that was with them every second of every day. I was so, so surprised that what I knew wasn’t exactly normal.

Holy crap…this got long. Sorry. Anyway, I really admire you and what you’re doing here and I think it’s pretty awesome and amazing.