I think it’s easier for butches to make femmes because of how femmes look at them. I know sometimes when I’ve dressed tomboi Ive noticed femmes I wouldn’t have otherwise because I catch them eyeing me or blatantly flirting.

But I think the marker that makes someone a “femme” is being gay.

Honestly, all of your lists, however gay, can just be easily adopted by a straight woman, and no one would ever wonder if she were gay. The #1 marker, is being queer.

Let’s see…I love skirts,(longish, gypsyish or bohemian type skirts.)Used to hate dresses because of my short arms,(not to disproportiante, but enough it drives me batty to find a dress that fits accurately.) not to mention being a big woman (5’2 and 250 lbs.) and having a large chest.(44DD)But, now that I am learning how to sew, (and lose weight!) The idea of dresses appeals to me again.

I love perfume,(scents from Bath and Body Works..Japanese Cherry Blossom is my current fave.) And Estee Lauder’s Beautiful is when I want to really ‘femme it up’. Jewelry, I love…but I try to keep it to a minimum. (like a earring and necklace set. Depending on what clothes I am wearing, and where I am going and who with, more then that can feel like to much.)

I hate heels. I love the look of them, but my feet can’t deal with them. Thought about trying to learn how to deal with them, But who knows if that would work.

Oh, and I am an awful slob! I find it amusing, that alot of cleaning product/device commercials are still aimed at women.

I wish I knew what to do to ping the gaydar…lol I don’t have a freakin’ clue! though then my luck, it would happen at work, and for various reasons I have NO interest of coming out at work.

I cannot define what would make a visable difference for people to discern a Queer female or a straight. In the ‘straight community’ when it comes to my orientation, I pretty much prefer blending in. I am out to all my friends and some of my family. Visability in the LGBT community? Yeah….would like more there. I am only just coming out as Queer this year,(I am 34)and I am a femme who likes the butches. Unfortunately, I have noticed that with the butches who do like the femmes, like the Ultra/High Femme, and I don’t percieve myself that way. Even if I did get into wearing heels, my hair never looks perfect, I am to broke to go to the salon regularily, for haircuts or mani and pedi’s,(even if I go to the local beauty school, where they give discounts.) and plus…inside all that doesn’t feel like me.

So…whats a moderately femme (as opposed to High femme.) to do?

Yep, it took me a while too. I so relate to that journey. The not being gay enough thing and all. I’ve written some about that on this blog in my archives too — I think you’d relate to a lot of it! Thanks for commenting. I’d be really interested in knowing more about that femme study — do you know who the scholars were?

for one thing, you don’t have to be queer to embody a non-traditional/normative type of femininity, which is a lot of what i think femme is about, and what i see in your brief description. but also, i do identify as queer, but i simply haven’t gone through much because of it (i know that makes me crazy lucky – and perhaps a small dash of thick-skinned), so it is near-impossible for me to feel justified saying that there is some sort of life experience involved that you can’t have if you’re straight. i do think that it is *more likely* (because of the things you mentioned, and such) for queers to have *had to* give their gender the kind of thought that i think is required to lead you into an intentional gender like femme.

on the other hand, sometimes i feel like i’m overly accepting in my terminology – i think it is important to acknowledge that there is a point at which a word loses its meaning through dilution.

also, this:
“i think some folks have markers that are clear(ly queer, if not clearly gay), but it doesn’t make you less femme to not”
totally makes sense.

And I’m still not sure how I feel about it. So, yeah. No conclusive thoughts on that. I’m looking forward to the discussion of it on your blog.