Comments on: femme (in)visibility

By: Femme, Domme, and Self-Definition | Dangerous Women

Femme, Domme, and Self-Definition | Dangerous Women — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 03:10:25 +0000

[...] the other day I linked to a post on femme (in)visibility and “coming out to oneself”, which discussed the link between gender presentation and [...]

By: Wasp

Wasp — Sat, 26 Dec 2009 23:33:57 +0000

As a baby butch, I really try to look out for you (in)visible femmes. It is so unfair that people assume that femme=straight, and while I am a very visible gay, I still can understand your frustration.

Thanks for posting this. It really helps me realize how ostracized femmes feel. I’ll be sure to wink at every cute girl I see, just to say, “I see you. You belong.”

By: theitidentityandme

theitidentityandme — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 22:53:15 +0000

I kept coming back and reading this over and over so I’m going to have a say. Or any type of say that I can have.

I haven’t encountered much of this invisibility, but I do have a different kind.

http://theitidentity.wordpress.com/2009/11/23/should-i-write-it-on-my-forehead/

If you want to read a warped view of femme invisibility.

- Cal.

By: should i write it on my forehead? « The It Identity And Me

should i write it on my forehead? « The It Identity And Me — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 22:45:24 +0000

[...] http://alphafemme.net/2009/11/17/femme-invisibility/ [...]

By: Rory

Rory — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 22:35:37 +0000

If you look conventionally feminine you are invisible to other gay women. I I came out late, my 40’s, and I just bought a rainbow heart lapel pin, which I’m going to wear.
Why? To let other women know what gay women look like. To let other lesbians know I’m one, maybe something wonderful will happen:)

to let the idiot men on the bus who try to pick me up know I’m not interested.

By: alphafemme

alphafemme — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 19:39:50 +0000

I actually originally just had the word “older” without any sort of qualifier, and then realized that I meant older *in relation to* my own age (and not just “older” as some vague age category), and that I didn’t just mean a *little bit* older, but generationally older. So, really, if a 60-year-old dyke winked at me, I’d be totally flattered and swooning too. Or an 80-year-old.

That’s an interesting point about visibility v. anonymity. And it’s certainly true. It is a toss-up. None of us has it easy, that’s for sure.

By: alphafemme

alphafemme — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 19:31:50 +0000

I mean, is it possible to get tired of hearing that one is an insightful writer? Doubtful :)

And that smile and wink DOES help me feel like I belong, so keep on doing it!

By: On Femme Invisibility – Sugarbutch Chronicles

On Femme Invisibility – Sugarbutch Chronicles — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 18:21:18 +0000

[...] the post Alphafemme wrote about femme invisibility, she touched on something very interesting: It starts with not being able to see myself. That must [...]

By: G

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 04:07:29 +0000

I don’t think there’s any way I can know who is gay and who isn’t; I just try to make the most of it when I *do* recognize it, with eye contact and a smile, a wink, etc. I want you all to feel like you belong, and in doing that, it helps me feel like I belong, too. It helps it all make sense to me.

Great post, again. If you ever get tired of hearing me tell you what an insightful writer you are, just let me know.

By: politicalfemme

politicalfemme — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 03:35:34 +0000

One thing that I am bothered by most about being femme is the constant ‘coming out’ that we are forced to endure. Just because I do not have short short hair and wear cargo shorts and a leather wrist cuff doesn’t mean that I like to feel breasts pressed against my bare skin! Working in the LGBT movement was one of the most liberating times in my life. I never was questioned about who I was or who’s arms I went home to at night. It was amazing to talk openly about my girlfriend at the time and not be worried about how it may affect my relationships with co-workers.

Since that time, my girl and I broke up and she decided to transition to male. I’ve recently found myself questioning my own sexuality and my gender expression has a lot to do with that. However, I know that I can analyze my sexuality until the cows come home and I will still want to end my day with the woman of my dreams.

Hopefully with more diversity coming to the lgbt community – more….universally accepted expressions and the removal of stereotypes we place on ourselves – we can all live in one happy queer world.