Every woman is a unique, lovely, crazy individual…we have intricate parts that make us these amazing beings right….this fantasy is only a small part of the whole, just like being gay is a small part of the whole….

I think that when you find the right person it is inevitable for you not to want that from the person or want to be that person for them…

I know I want to do these things for my love because she means that much to me that I am willing to show her all my intricate little parts, and I trust her enough to know that she will not take advantage of me for opening myself like that to her…

…just like she loves me enough to understand that these things I do for her do not solely define me in our relationship and that what she does for me or who she is for me does not defines who she is in the relationship or who she is as a person…they are just smaller parts of the larger whole…

It is a give and take, I give to her in different ways, just like she does to me and we both take in different ways….

Like Alphafemme said it is about trust and trusting your partner enough to do this for them and knowing that you are opening a huge door of vulnerabilities in the process….but I would like to add that it also has a lot to do with respect for yourself, for the relationship and for your partner…if you respect yourself enough to embrace who you and what you want, what you do..then having this fantasy unfold should not be a problem, just like knowing and having your partner respect who you are and what you want is important and having your partner respect you and KNOW that what you do comes from a place of love and that they are incredibly lucky for having someone care so much to do these things for them and having enough respect for the relationship and for the other person to not take advantage of the situation….

I think I just rambled my ass of here LOL…

Again, I feel like you’ve written a post from my heart, but just from the femme perspective. As a butch, I want to meet someone who has this fantasy, because it’s mine, too – to have my girl meet me at the door when I get home from work with a drink for me and my favorite dinner in the oven.

But I feel selfish for wanting that, and I’ve felt self-conscious about the ramifications. Am I being selfish for wanting that? Am I doing something that is undercutting her individuality and strength? And am I somehow creating co-dependent situation – for her OR me – by wanting that? I don’t want to come off as too stereotypically 1950s, as that seems to be a sore spot in terms of women’s rights. I try to offset it by reminding myself that that’s not ALL I want; I want her to be independent, sharp, and spontaneous – in every way my match. Which isn’t at all the domestic drone.

And your line – “I get afraid that the more I give away, the more I’m allowing her to hurt me” – hit home for me, because I feel the same way about receiving. I have a fear that receiving too much leaves me too vulnerable. So we’re all just trying to sort it out the best we can, eh?

Wow, and now I’ll end my temporary commandeering of your blog comments. Thanks for this great piece of writing.

But yes, if it’s a real desire of mine, then why the hell not submit to it? If it’s consensual and based on trust and communication, there can’t be anything wrong with it, and if something happens that feels wrong, well then, the trust and communication part should clear that up.

Thanks for commenting!

Here is the deal, if a woman CHOOSES to take part in her fantasy because she cares about the person so much that she just wants to do that, than by all means do it!!! It is a different story when women THINK they HAVE TO BE LIKE THAT just because that is the way they were socialized….

I love my autonomy , I like my independence, I like knowing that I am in charge….but I will tell you that your fantasy is part of my ultimate goal in life! LOL….I have this amazing woman I love and I want to do all those things for her because I WANT to….I want her to know how much she means to me and how much I want everything to be wonderful for us and I do not mind doing all those things for her because I want to to them…

I am really femme, and it is something she loves about me…she is has more of the masculine energy going on and I think is is sexy as hell….

I can change my own tires, caulk a tub, replace the roofing with no problem….I have no problem with getting a little dirty…it can be LOADS of fun…but I know that she likes to do things like that and I will ask her to do things like that even though I am fully capable of doing them….like you said it is trust and why not trust yourself and the one you are with, why not trust who YOU are and share that with the one you love….it is about leading a healthy, balanced life, and there sure as hell is NO shame in being a domestic queen in four inch heels because you want to be….

PS the Mirror post….HAWT DAMN! My girlfriend and I will installing mirrored closet doors…or bed faces them..I am looking forward to some good times!

also, I’d be really interested in hearing how you manage both the independent streak and the fantasy of nurturing/being “for” your lover. if you’re up for it :)

And yeah, yoga helps!

P.S. you’re post about mirror sex – SO HOT!