Comments on: Dear Internet, if I’m a cis-gendered woman, why does it turn me on to imagine I have a cock? Sincerely, Alphafemme

By: Lizz

Lizz — Sun, 23 Jan 2011 04:45:27 +0000

I would have to say that socially,it’s difficult to escape some of the more “hetero” ideas of what it means to be sexually dominant.I don’t believe this kind of imagining makes you any less gay,or any less feminine; two women challenging traditional giving and taking rules together, in the psychological lingo most of us grow up surrounded by? Sounds like a thing all its own to me. a gay thing.

-bi in pa

By: alphafemme

alphafemme — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 17:31:58 +0000

I’m totally with you on the beauty of girl-on-girl being the freedom it inherently offers. Mi’lady and I have talked about this too, about how the great thing about NOT having a penis is that we just have SO MUCH flexibility — and I think that’s mostly because there are way fewer media images/social constructs/prescribed activities for two women (and not because sex with a penis can’t be flexible too).

What I mean is: the penis is seen as THE sexual organ. Pussy is just a receptacle. And the thing the penis DOES is penetrate. (Vagina, anus, mouth…) And because that message just inundates us from every angle, the idea of sex that most people have is Penis In Vagina, in-and-out, in-and-out. Thrust thrust thrust. JIZZ! The end.

So when there’s a penis in the equation, that’s kind of what automatically happens. It’s the prescribed sexual activity. And it takes (I would think) some active creativity to move away from that. Whereas dykes/lesbians/any two women having sex together *don’t have that.* Take the penis out of the equation, and you AUTOMATICALLY have to be creative. And you automatically realize that there are SO MANY OPTIONS. And that is… SO much fun.

By: alphafemme

alphafemme — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 17:24:47 +0000

Yeah I hear you, it can definitely feel disconcerting and even embarrassing at first. That’s kind of where I was coming from too. The first time I did that, I didn’t tell her either… and then the next time I did it, I told her sheepishly afterwards. Luckily she thought it was really hot. (And I think she thought it was especially hot that I told her about it, because it was like I was trusting her with this dirty dirty secret!) And then she realized that the same thing works for her! So then when we talked about it again a few days ago, we were both like, what’s this all about?

And then we were just like, whatever, screw it, it doesn’t matter what it’s about because at least it turns us on!

Another random thing… My favorite kind of porn to watch is straight porn, and it’s because I really identify with the man in it. Like, I identify with the erect cock, and with the awesomeness of having a woman sucking it. :)

Thanks for commenting!

By: alphafemme

alphafemme — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 17:16:57 +0000

oh totally, the thing about questioning queer women who like to use cocks in sex with other women… has everything to do with gender presentation.

everything just has to fit into neat little boxes.

*If it’s a femme who likes getting fucked with a cock, it’s “oh, she must actually be straight.”
*If it’s a butch/boi/any-presentation-other-than-femme who likes to strap on and fuck with a cock, it’s “oh, she must want to be a man” or, for the slightly more gender literate, “oh, she must be trans.”
*And if it’s a femme who likes strapping on and fucking with a cock, it’s “OH MY GOD, MY HEAD IS IMPLODING, THIS CANNOT BE POSSIBLE.”
*Ditto if it’s a butch/boi/any-presentation-other-than-femme who likes to be on the receiving end of sex with a cock.

And these are actually things that get said WITHIN the queer community! @^%!%$%#!

By: H

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 15:03:44 +0000

Your timing could not be better. I imagined my clit was my cock for the first time a few days ago. It really worked for me! However, I couldn’t bring myself to tell my girlfriend and I was worried about “What It Meant” for a few days. I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one.

By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 02:16:11 +0000

This is a gorgeous piece of writing…

Isn’t part of having pride in our sexuality about accepting, without internal contempt, the inward discourse about what turns us on? Isn’t that the thing that makes gay sex better than straight sex? ;)

Seriously, though, I think the beauty of girl-on-girl action lies in the amount of freedom it inherently offers. (That, and the lack of chest hair is assuredly a beautiful thing.) And I think that if you find your mind wandering into fantasyland, (you’re fantasizing about your clit being a cock) it’s most likely indicative of the safety level you feel with your’lady, and that is the thing of *true* beauty.

We can’t help what makes us wet…that’s what being queer is all about!

By: Em

Em — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 10:58:34 +0000

I think heteronormative also includes a lot of preset limitations and taboos. Part of being bisexual, for me, is embracing the freedom I have to say screw the rules. I’d hate to think that to have sex with a woman, we couldn’t use a cock because for me it has nothing to do with being like a man, it’s the masculinity as a trait in itself, and the physical feeling that comes with using a strap on. And people might doubt you for liking cock play, but they might also do it because you’re femme. For a community that gets discriminated against as a whole, people in it seem pretty comfortable making each other feel left out within it. It’s a question of sexual pleasure, and you have nothing to prove to anyone. And sexual things don’t always translate into real life things, either.