sidenote: mens are freaking me out today. first this dude followed me in a pickup truck. now, jose my free coffee guy is sending me over cookies and checking on my table. i just want to be on my laptop! and drink my latte! leave me alone!

alphafemme: eww, gross mens! totally sympathize. that’s sweet that you get a free latte though, haha. re writing… yeah, I need to re-train myself to just fully immerse myself in another world, and leave myself behind. ever since reading Annie Dillard’s An American Childhood when I was in college, I haven’t been able to do it anymore. I was just so dazzled by her total self-awareness that I started being that self-aware all the time too. Like with this inner narrator that followed me around trying to make my life sound as beautiful as Annie Dillard makes hers. And when I realized my inner narrator was nowhere near as brilliant as Annie Dillard, that’s when the inner narrator just started to mock me incessantly. Sigh.

I read maybe your last ten posts, the ones since July. you wrote a play! omg. that’s so cool. I used to write a lot, and then somewhere along the way a little alter-ego started sitting in a bubble in the back of my head watching everything I do and everything I say and it mocks me, the little bastard! so now I can’t write without a-e laughing at me, which means I just stopped writing. except now I write in this blog again, so there’s that. (I blame it on Annie Dillard’s book An American Childhood, but that’s another story.)

I think “mi’lady” is just for lack of a better pseudonym. I can’t just give her another name, that’s weird. I considered doing the whole first-letter-of-her-name thing, but for some reason that sounded too Catcher in the Rye or Bright Lights Big City or something. not that those books use single letters to name people. but somehow the tone sounded weird to me. so mi’lady it is. also, it reminds me not to be too serious.

thanks for commenting :)